i was just thinking about something tonight. Though thinking about it, made me depressed. Yes, of course no person in their right mind would want to stay in this sort of feeling & situation. i am so sick of this. So sick of myself for not letting this feeling go. So sick for letting this stupid feeling lingering and torturing me all the time.

You could call it stupid and pointless, yes i agree with that. Oh dear god, i couldn't help it. Whenever i think about it, i just lose my motivation, confidence and hopes. i would just feel hopeless and depressed.

Yup, i have been whining about like for freaking forever. Even some of my friends who stupid enough to read my blog got sick of it too. Some asked me about why i kept thinking about it and not letting this go. Well my answer is simple, "i just couldn't".

Crap.. i have no idea what it is actually that i wanted to blog about. Haha..

You Can Make 76% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You

Your seduction skills are practically legendary. You know how to close the deal. Just don't let someone you're really into get the better of you! As long as you keep up your end of the flirting game, you'll get the prize at the end.

Haha.. LEGENDARY?! cheah right.. i'm the most hopeless person when comes to securing a relationship.. i'm the suckiest person at this thing that have ever walk on this eath damn it!

i know that i've whine about this topic a few times before. Although exactly how many time it was, i couldn't recall. Perhaps i should check back at my previous ramblings in the blog.. nah.. too lazy to do it.. haha..

i think i really need to sort out my life properly and pronto. It's not like i'm getting any younger. i should've taken an example of a few of my friends that seems have got their life on a proper track. Yes, i did from time to time take a small step in order to have my life on track yet i couldn't maintain it. Which of course is always frustrating. It seems that i don't have a really strong will to get my own life sorted out. Perhaps i have yet to find a life changing motivation that's needed.

i don't know how to say it exactly, or perhaps i might over exaggerate it, but i kind of have this very bad habit of liking to take some things very lightly. Even when thing are significantly important, i could somehow subconsciously take my foot of the gas and just cruise. Did you guys get my metaphor or not? Please say you did..

For example, like the current job that i am doing right now. i remembered back then when i was still jobless, a friend whom suggested that i should apply for this job kept reminding me to pass to her my resume. What i did back then was, when i looked back at it even amazed me sometimes.

It was on the last day of submitting the resume and application, the office was about to close with an hour or so remaining. i was still undecided whether to submit my application or not. At the very last moment i decided to just submit my application to her, although through out the week she have asked me for it; i gave it to her 30 minutes before their office closed for the day.

Quite extraordinary now isn't it? Okay, maybe extraordinary is not the correct word for it. Perhaps a word such as STUPID would be just. So you see, i'm not that good at decision, even if it concerns my FREAKIN FUTURE. Back then my last minute decision did change my life.

NOW.

i'm at that fucking crossroad again. Although now, more is at stacked. My image & reputation, my career, my future and most importantly my life.

i would like to end my ramblings here right now about this topic of sorting out my life thingy. Unfortunately like what i've said earlier, i kind of having that feeling of not caring about it right now. i somehow do. Heck, i don't even care if i'm alive tomorrow.

In this somber note, i'll end it here.

i've found a couple of video guide or how to's type of things on YouTube, in which i find very interesting, entertaining and most importantly very informative yet easy to understand. This is How To Save & Invest Money In Plain English.

In this testing times, financial is perhaps on the very top of everyone's list. Of course each and every one of us want to keep as much money as possible so that one can use it in times of need. The funny thing is, why didn't we save some of it before the financial crisis hit us on our head. It seems that people only realise to save when the times is tough.

Although to save and invest money is actually plain and simple. To save money one can open a savings account and just dump their money in. To invest money one can choose which ever investment that can offer capital guarantee and high return, which what investing is all about; to grow/add money from money itself.

It's a good thing i found this video on YouTube that explains it as it is.

How To Save Money In Plain English




Investing Money In Plain English

Today i went to my childhood friend wedding. Her husband is a good friend of mine too. i knew him from my high school friend. The funny thing is, he is also a good friend of my other childhood friend. Both of the groom and the bride actually went to high school together but only the last few years they are in a serious relationship.

Now thats more and more of my childhood friends are settling down, i felt left out. Hahaha.. It seems that my life is stagnant and static. i'm not moving forward. Just standing still like a dirty puddle of water. This is just so frustrating.

i don't know what makes me feel that way. Perhaps i felt a bit jealous that my other friends have their life sorted out properly. Where else mine is still on hold, pointless and undecided. i guess that maybe it's because that i've lost my confidence in myself.

i'm no longer have the desire to get on with life. i know it's stupid to say such a thing. Unfortunately it's what crossed my mind from time to time. Other people would say that i should've be grateful with what i have. That i got a home for shelter, a comfy bed to sleep onto, own a car to get around with, a stable job for a living and of course a blessed family to have comfort and seek help from. As some are not as lucky as i am.

Yup, i agree to that completely. It's just that sometimes my thoughts and my heart would gang up and betray me. i would be confronted with such hopeless feelings and never ending thoughts of failure and despair.

Actually i have no idea why i have these sudden feelings of hopelessness. i should've feel happy that my friends are going for a new journey and start a happy life. i should've take a lesson and learn something from it. i know that but the fact that i suddenly felt this way is just frustrating.

Or maybe because tomorrow or rather today(our local time) is Monday. Perhaps i've just caught the Monday Blues Syndrome. i don't know. All that i know is i suddenly feel like crap. Damn!

i've had a really nice lunch today, even if i was only spending my time with her for an hour or so. Unfortunately i made a stupid mistake by taking a long way around to get her back to work. If you're reading this, i'm sorry ey babe..

The funny thing was she didn't tell me before i miss the junction to her work place. Which is why sometimes i prefer not to talk when i'm driving. i'm easily distracted about the destination, not the driving part though. i've always put extra focus on that. The thing is, the stuffs that she talks about is always interesting, unlike my mundane and boring life. For those who have been reading my blog, would know that i am living a really boring and pointless life.

After i got her back to work, although late. (Sorry babe..) i decided to just drive around town, just driving before deciding what's my next destination. A few minutes or so, i decided to go window shopping for a new pair of sneakers. i've wore my current sneakers to shred.

i've always been a shoe's man. i never like wearing slippers, sandals or flip flops. i felt like my feet is not getting enough protection. Plus it is really practical especially when i needed to run, as one can't run properly in sandals right? Those things bound to break and would get you tripping, falling or what not. So shoes for me are the safest feet protection.

So here they are my sneaker wish lists, as you guys can see, except for one NIKE sneakers. The rest are ADIDAS sneakers. i really wish i could just get them all! Haha..
























Much like the ones that Roger Federer's wore.








My second favourite.


My top favourite. i would probably get this one.. soon.

i do hope that by the time i have save enough money to buy the sneakers, it'd still be there. That no one would buy them, except for me of course. Cross my fingers.

My financial side in the first half of this year have been terrible. By terrible i meant cash strapped. Although honest to say, i didn't feel that much of the recession impact that is affecting the globe but what i felt is more towards me having too many loans to pay in a short period of time.

This started when i bought my own car at the end of 2008. Of course that it is not a bad thing to have one. It's just that the timing that i bought one, was not quite right or suitable.. sort to speak. i should've at least save 10% of the down payment for the car. Why? if i were to prepare at least 10% of down payment or more, i would've reduced my monthly car loan payments.

So at the start of 2009, i have about 4 loans that i have to deduct from my monthly salary. Which are my car loan, 2 personal loans and a my laptop loan. All in which would in total if deducted from my salary would left me less than two hundreds bucks left to spend on everything else.

It was really hard for me to keep aside some money for savings. Not even for fifty bucks. It is frustrating to realize that now it's half year already and i have yet to save anything since the start of the year. Damn! i couldn't even save one hundred bucks.

The unfortunate thing is, i did however save one hundred or so for saving but i have to take it out and use it again as i don't have enough money other than that savings allocation to spend on something important like buying food.

i do hope after this couple months that the two of my personal loans have been paid up and i can save again. Although there a few things that i have to put aside that is important such as the car schedule service. Oh man.. it seems that i can never have enough to save. Crap..

i actually had plans for this weekend. i wanted to take someone out. My plans was spoiled when my brother came home from his shuffle practice last Thursday night with an eye infection. Come Friday, i woke up that morning with an itchy sensation from my right eye.

i never thought that it has already been infected with the red eye infection. So i went to work as usual. The thing is when i woke up that morning my right eye was perfectly fine, it didn't have the symptoms like redness and puffy eyelids.

Unfortunately as the day progress, my right eye began to give me a lot of trouble. It started to itch badly, in which i wanted to rub but afraid that it might make it worst. Then it started to produce icky yellow colour discharge. From time to time i had to go to the bathroom to clear out the slimy yellow discharge. Then after lunch hour my left eye began to feel itchy. It too has succumbed to the infection.

So i thought to myself, there goes my weekend plan. Of course i could go on with it, but obviously it's stupid to infect your date with an infectious eye disease right? That would surely ruin one's chances to get another date. Hahaha...



This is me now, with red crazy zombie like eyes.



This is me later when the infection fully manifest itself. Haha!