Late Night Sunday: i Suddenly Feel Like Crap.

Today i went to my childhood friend wedding. Her husband is a good friend of mine too. i knew him from my high school friend. The funny thing is, he is also a good friend of my other childhood friend. Both of the groom and the bride actually went to high school together but only the last few years they are in a serious relationship.

Now thats more and more of my childhood friends are settling down, i felt left out. Hahaha.. It seems that my life is stagnant and static. i'm not moving forward. Just standing still like a dirty puddle of water. This is just so frustrating.

i don't know what makes me feel that way. Perhaps i felt a bit jealous that my other friends have their life sorted out properly. Where else mine is still on hold, pointless and undecided. i guess that maybe it's because that i've lost my confidence in myself.

i'm no longer have the desire to get on with life. i know it's stupid to say such a thing. Unfortunately it's what crossed my mind from time to time. Other people would say that i should've be grateful with what i have. That i got a home for shelter, a comfy bed to sleep onto, own a car to get around with, a stable job for a living and of course a blessed family to have comfort and seek help from. As some are not as lucky as i am.

Yup, i agree to that completely. It's just that sometimes my thoughts and my heart would gang up and betray me. i would be confronted with such hopeless feelings and never ending thoughts of failure and despair.

Actually i have no idea why i have these sudden feelings of hopelessness. i should've feel happy that my friends are going for a new journey and start a happy life. i should've take a lesson and learn something from it. i know that but the fact that i suddenly felt this way is just frustrating.

Or maybe because tomorrow or rather today(our local time) is Monday. Perhaps i've just caught the Monday Blues Syndrome. i don't know. All that i know is i suddenly feel like crap. Damn!