There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.

It seems that i'm kind of getting a lot lazier to update my blog nowadays. Although actually there is i wanted to rant about my life. Yup, i know by not updating regularly, i won't be making any progress in terms of getting more traffic to my blog. i kind of have lost interest to blog.. somehow.

The thing is i am online most of the time. During weekdays after returning from work, the first thing that i would do is fired up my laptop and online, could you believe it? i would only wash up after checking out my email inbox.

Then the whole night, i would sit in front of my laptop in the living room while watching TV. Talk about multi tasking. Yes, as you guys might wonder, No.. i don't have a life. i really really seldom go out on weekday nights. Seriously rarely. i get sleepy really early when i go out but not at home. Strange isn't it?

Don't even mention weekends. For the past three weeks i have to go back to the office on Saturdays to clear out my "outstanding" works. Damn! Usually i end up there until 2pm! Haha.. Perhaps i should be grateful, there are people working 6 days a week. In this financial i should've be grateful that i even have a job to whine about, right?

Also i've been thinking a lot about how i should change some things in my life in order to make it feels satisfiying. i've lost my momentum and my grip on it in about middle of this year, right after i got rejected by my hopeless love. The reason is so lame, that i agree. Somehow i'm so keen on wanting to be in a relationship that i ignoring the fact that it takes two to be in one.

It's so funny how life can kick the sense back in you right up in the ass. Yeah, i got rejected a lot these past three years. All my faults really, being hopeful too much. No, this is not my inferiority complex talking, it's actually my common sense. i should've known by now that i can't force someone to love me. i can only hope and try.

What is it exactly am i looking after for actually?

1. A Promising Career?
2. A Fairy Tale Love Life?
3. A Satisfiying Life?

i really honestly don't have a clue. You can call it what ever you want:

1. Lost Sense Of Purposeness
2. Stress
3. Emotional Breakdown
4. Lack Of Confidence

i need to get a grip with my own life from now on. i fuckingly hated being helplessly drowning in this furious tide. i need to make my own hapiness. Pronto.