Here is my honest confession..
However stupid and ridiculous this may sound, but it is the truth. i can't tell how embarassed i am revealing this secret.. i am in love with my best friend. There, i've said it. Actually it's kind of hard just to digest all of this. The feelings that i've been having, the thoughts that have been messing my head and the uneasiness of jealousy whenever i saw her being/talking/flirting with another man.
It wasn't anything like this before, seriously. She was just another female friends. She was kind of close to me, at least that's how i see it. Then all of the sudden, i began seeing her differently. Initially i fucking seriously try to brush that feelings off. In my mind, i know this symptoms.
It's the warning signs that i am slowly began to be infatuated with her. As i have no other candidates for GF, so i somehow, unconsiously, wanting to be with her.
She just the type of girl that i fond of:
1. Cheerful
2. Highly confident with herself
3. Wise beyond her age
4. Fun to be with
i like her in that terms because such traits i don't have within me. Just maybe, if we're together, she will complete me.
However the truth is, i kind of knowing that i'm not the kind of person she looking for. Unfortunately i also have this fucking horrible feeling that she might already be seeing someone else. Someone better than i am, someone better looking than i am, someone wealthier than i am and someone, simply put far more perfect for her than i am. i know this may sound absurd, but in my experience, whenever i have this feelings.. it happened.
Why sulking over this one you might ask? Why not? Because it's not easy to find someone that you'd just somehow really feel comfortable to be with. Also i am not good at looking for such a person.. i fucking seriously bad at it.
So i gathered up my courage and just let it out to her, as the matter of fact, that was only the second time i've ever done it before. i let it out without any hope of getting the response that i wanted from her. My expectation was spot on. She didn't feel the same way. She's just sees me as a big brother, no more, no less...
i somehow manage to laugh at myself, because i've just making this friendship awkward. i've ruined it. hahaha... To make matter worse, in my desperation, i've said, most probably the stupidest thing, i said, "Just save a place for me (in your heart), just maybe.. i don't mind waiting"..
So for the past few days, i began to have another look at what i've done, what i've been feeling, and so on and so forth. i began to wonder what actually drove me to have that kind of emotions for her, the fact that before i've never thought of her like that.
i've also felt regret to confess my feeling for her. i felt that i should've just kept it all inside and just forget about it. Perhaps i was just infatuated with her, nothing more than that.
So here is how i stand, heartbroken & frustrated... again...
Oh dear god..i hated this..
However stupid and ridiculous this may sound, but it is the truth. i can't tell how embarassed i am revealing this secret.. i am in love with my best friend. There, i've said it. Actually it's kind of hard just to digest all of this. The feelings that i've been having, the thoughts that have been messing my head and the uneasiness of jealousy whenever i saw her being/talking/flirting with another man.
It wasn't anything like this before, seriously. She was just another female friends. She was kind of close to me, at least that's how i see it. Then all of the sudden, i began seeing her differently. Initially i fucking seriously try to brush that feelings off. In my mind, i know this symptoms.
It's the warning signs that i am slowly began to be infatuated with her. As i have no other candidates for GF, so i somehow, unconsiously, wanting to be with her.
She just the type of girl that i fond of:
1. Cheerful
2. Highly confident with herself
3. Wise beyond her age
4. Fun to be with
i like her in that terms because such traits i don't have within me. Just maybe, if we're together, she will complete me.
However the truth is, i kind of knowing that i'm not the kind of person she looking for. Unfortunately i also have this fucking horrible feeling that she might already be seeing someone else. Someone better than i am, someone better looking than i am, someone wealthier than i am and someone, simply put far more perfect for her than i am. i know this may sound absurd, but in my experience, whenever i have this feelings.. it happened.
Why sulking over this one you might ask? Why not? Because it's not easy to find someone that you'd just somehow really feel comfortable to be with. Also i am not good at looking for such a person.. i fucking seriously bad at it.
So i gathered up my courage and just let it out to her, as the matter of fact, that was only the second time i've ever done it before. i let it out without any hope of getting the response that i wanted from her. My expectation was spot on. She didn't feel the same way. She's just sees me as a big brother, no more, no less...
i somehow manage to laugh at myself, because i've just making this friendship awkward. i've ruined it. hahaha... To make matter worse, in my desperation, i've said, most probably the stupidest thing, i said, "Just save a place for me (in your heart), just maybe.. i don't mind waiting"..
So for the past few days, i began to have another look at what i've done, what i've been feeling, and so on and so forth. i began to wonder what actually drove me to have that kind of emotions for her, the fact that before i've never thought of her like that.
i've also felt regret to confess my feeling for her. i felt that i should've just kept it all inside and just forget about it. Perhaps i was just infatuated with her, nothing more than that.
So here is how i stand, heartbroken & frustrated... again...
Oh dear god..i hated this..
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