The Trouble In My Mind...

So this is what has been troubling my mind right now..

1. She's not responding to my messages and missed calls anymore.
2. i've been constantly thinking about her.
3. If she replied to my messages, it'll just a simple one, not as elaborate as before.
4. i have this continously really really gut sickening feeling of she's somehow no longer single.

The thing is right now, she's clearly don't want to be obsessed about, and i in the other hand clearly couldn't get her off my mind. So there lies a problem here, she and i are not really the BF/GF type of a relationship. We're just simply friends, and i have taken the stupid-stupid-stupid step crossing that line.

What am i to make of this? i don't have a fucking clue. Actually, i think i'll better come clean here, right now, once and for all. i have a really bad history of falling in love with my female friends. You know, the ones that you're not seeing as a potential GF. The truth is i've been having this "problem" of constantly waking up one day and thought, 'oh my god..she's been on my mind, i can't stop thinking about her, and what if..' Dumb fuck..

Through out my entire life up until now, i can safely say that i've ONLY been in a BF/GF relationship only twice, when i was 12 and 15. All that happened back in school, so that's just plain stupid. i can honestly say that i've been in this situation quite a number of time, five times to be exact.

All four situations including this one, i've never ever ever ever EVER reveal my true feelings towards that particular female friend at the time. The only friend that i dared revealing was the one before this one, and the reason being, i have seriously thought that she might return the favour and felt the same. Unfortunately, in all four (not including this one, hopefully not, but it's heavily going to be that way) situations have cause major casualties in the heart department, which is, i am the one that suffered the pain of a broken heart.

Yes, i know..i am sooooo naive about how to get into serious relationship. i don't know how it would be like. Dang.. i really don't know anything..

So right now i've just came up with this seriously stupid solution on how to restrain myself in order not to bother her anymore with my endlessly pointless messages and missed calls. i've just deleted her number from my mobile phone contact list, both in LG Viewty and Nokia 6233. That's just SOOOO FOOLISH isn't it? Well that the solution that seems right to me right now, with my messy mind.

Better than continously freaking her out with my stupid messages and missed calls.

i'm such a stupid fucking desperate guy..