In The Mind Of A Hopeless Loner..

i can't say how much desperate i might sound like when i'm telling you this. As i think i'm in the brink of getting my head explode from stupidity and loneliness. Hah!

i don't know if any of you ever come to or close to this situation, by being single for too long, i'm looking at my female friends as a potential GF. Oh man, i'm just god awfully desperate.. Hillarious! Not that i'm saying my female friends are not pretty or good, seriously some of them are just hot, but things is, it's kind of awkward isn't it?

So anyway, i'm continuing to fall for this one. At first the feeling kind of just like 'i fancy you' but it grew into something that i've seemingly can't comprehend. Fortunately i've faced this dreaded feelings before.

This feeling is what i don't need right now. i view this as a major problem for me, as i think i might develope the habit of easily falling for someone. As the outcome of it would usually resulted in me getting the heartbreak. A feeling that's just too often been my curse.

The thing about her is that in the past months she have been my counsel, someone whom i seek companionship during the time of my depression when i got rejected from..well.. trying to form a relationship. Well, when i think back to that time again, i think my decision was a bad one. A really bad one. The reason being since these past months She and i have my vain opinion.. sort of playing this courting my view that is, maybe not for her. This is when i began to develope different kind of feelings for her. i wanted more than just a simple friendship. i simply wanted more.

In all honesty, i really enjoyed that brief moment of time that i spent "harassing" her. As i never missed a day without messaging and miss calling her and she in return, did, though not as often as i, she returned the favor. During this period that i began in my silly silly mind, thought that again as before, i might form a relationship with her. Here is where my weakness began to surface, as i easily developed the feeling of attachment towards her.

Now since the past couple of weeks, she has not returned my messages as instant as she would before. Again i felt there is a coming distance looming, okay not looming but approaching. i think this might have due to my obssession of wanting to get hold of her, she's surely got bored and annoyed of me trying to reach her every single day. This i'm sure of. haha.. what a simple mind i have, isn't it?

Also since the past week, i began to picture "horrific" reasons to why she didn't as eager to return my messages as she used to, well actually i have three theories. All of which in the order of which i would prefer to rate as the devastation and total annihilation of my heart, one being less damage:

1. She has no more credit to reply due to the volume of messages of i sent her.
2. She's annoyed and bored of me constantly messaging and miss calling her every single day, when the fact that we're nothing more than just friends.
3. She's finally no longer single, she's found a new man.

i have no idea why i just easily came up with the third assumption. Seriously, i've experienced this before, four time actually, and within the space of three years, all my assumptions did came true. All four girls that i've would call an almost relationship have turn 360, and went for someone else instead. Perhaps there's a sign for all of this.. Perhaps i should be a seer or something, much like Nostrodamus. All my gut feeling came true. Perhaps she does found a new man, and rather not telling me about it, maybe not wanting to hurt my feeling. Oh well..

So what am i going to do about this?

i don't have a freaking idea..

surprisingly i found just the freaking right song describing my thoughts and feelings.
Shit.. i think i heard a glass breaking.. or is it my fragile heart..