Hopeless Thoughts

Am i going to have another painful heartbreak coming? i don't know.. i certainly don't hope so.. After three strikes, i thought finally i can understand why that feeling came to be and how to handle it better. Then again after those three strikes and lots of painful experience, i am able to at least understand the root cause of that sinking feeling but still, i can't handle it in any possible way..

It's the un-necessary thoughts, particularly the thoughts that triggered by uncontrolable emotion, thoughts based on purely assumptions, thoughts that based on low self esteem..What's the point of all this thoughts? None what so ever. It doesn't do me any good. It'll just make me miserable so much more, hopeless, sad, heartbroken..

After already being low in self-confidence, i don't need this, i don't want this feeling to control me, grap hold of me, tossing me around like a piece of paper blown away in the wind..

i know, i shouldn't jump into conclusion so easily but i can't help it..only this time i did say out i felt, only now i'm waiting for the respond that i hoping for.. i know i shouldn't push her/rush her or anything and i never did, but what's the point of it? it seems that i've been getting this signal/hidden message from her that she's not prepared/willing/want to go to that point that i wanted her to be.. i do hope that i'm just over-reacting/reading this signal wrongly.. Damn!

My chest hurts..