A Review Of My Life So Far

Oh where should i begin?

This is where the part that i would try to find something that i could be proud of to actually share you with.. Unfortunately.. i couldn't find any..

For the past 5 years, which was when i turned 20. i began to question myself, "What Do Actually i Wanted In Life For Myself?"

Hell, i don't think i'll get the answer anytime soon..as yesterday that question again came up in my mind, and like previous times that i've questioned myself, still i'm cluess for a hint of any answer..

i began to wonder whether if i would ever found the answer to that..

Firstly to be honest, i am a man (i dont think i'll qualify for the term and meaning of that word) of fear. i have a lot of fear..for such examples would be:

*fear of the future
*fear of change/moving forward
*fear of responsibility
*fear of commitment
*fear of making mistake
*fear of being independent
*fear of my own insecurities
*fear of all above...plus others that i couldn't describe..

and being the man of fear, i'm just...lost... totally... i am like the grass, swayed back and forth, left to right, following the rhythm of the blowing wind.. i am no force of my own, being dragged by fate, obeying to it blindly.. i felt that i have lost the control of my life..

Other times i felt stuck in time, and i like it, though at the same time i hate it with all my life.. i wanted to change badly, to somehow move forward, be better but again, at the same time i fear what the consequence of such a change would lead to in my life.. (i don't think i'm making any sense at all)

and again this would lead me back to where i started, the question that i have previously asked myself, and the very same question i asked again on my birthday..

"What Do Actually i Wanted In Life For Myself?"

Will i ever find the answer, i hope so..